I’m still beginning life everyday

There are quite a lot of opposite situations about relationships going on.

I’m starting to realize what love is like, I ask more intimate questions about couples now when before I was old enough to understand I thought it was marriage, lots of sex and babies. And that is honestly all I ever thought about.

Recently I have realized what it’s like to be in love, to feel like its impossible to imagine a day without someone, to want them to indulge in adventure, romance and life together.. It’s an unbelievable thing to feel its hard to deal with because it’s the most crippling and amazing feeling in the world..

Crippling, because you have no idea what the other person feels, if it will last and what choices you should make in order for it to work out.

Amazing, because at least you know you had this opportunity.

I don’t know how to explain this, but he is my other half. He doesn’t know how to say I love you yet and it’s been more then 2 years. It’s like he’s scared. He doesn’t understand how someone can spend everyday with another person.. He is slowly realizing how much the alone time feels amazing.. But holding hands is childish? I don’t understand it and everyone I have asked have no idea either.

The most stubborn, strange, relationship problematic person I have ever known but his faults are overwhelmed by his amazing traits and features. Until you actually fall in love you may dream and think about love but you don’t truly know. It’s so hard to explain and most people think they know but it’s harder to understand..

I don’t know how I can make him see love, know what it feels like even for just one moment. I just want him to see what I feel, to know the deepness of my heart for him. I have never been able to explain love until recently and even now there aren’t enough words that explain the definition and extreme circumstances I feel..

He does not understand what it could feel like and just for one minute I wish he knew as he thinks that because we see each other on the weekend we don’t need to see each but he doesn’t realize what love is. He tries to get out of any conversations that have to do with it. He deflects it as well..

What can you do in this situation when you could just get him to realize for a minute but he can’t, he won’t… I love this man I just wish he would know what it feels like whether or not it’s towards me just so he can tell me if he knows or if he could express his feelings better or at all..

I love this man, I want this man in my life.
I have had dreams recently, where one he had proposed to me which felt real and he felt ready and it seemed to be a very possible situation as it had felt right as I did have a dream within the first year I was with him and he had proposed in that one as well and I knew then I was not ready but I know I am now.. Maybe not at this exact moment as we have a lot going on and I’m happy but I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. The second dream he asked to start a family and I knew I was ready for that too. I am emotionally invested and ready but financially I am not. Unfortunately and I also have a lot I want to do before I go down that road. I want to travel with him first. Meet my family in another country but also just travel and see new things with him and enjoy as much as I can before I enjoy to best part which is being a mother.

He is absolutely my solid rock unlike everyone else I know. He has been there when my family had not been. He’s the most normal, unnormal person, he is weird, a geek and gamer, he enjoys solitude together as much as I do and we both enjoy our alone time but our time together when we are both happy, there is nothing standing in our way. We could push a mountain together, we could end a war together, we have so much strength together that it could do so much. This love is what romance is built on. And I love him for giving that to me. He has made me a happier, stronger, more independent person and I could not ask for more as there is nothing in the world he cannot give me emotionally and physically!

– I don’t know what else to say.. It’s hard to put into words what romance is. Many authors think they can portray it in their novels but I don’t think they have seen the likes of me, and I may not have the best writing skills but I know I’d have a lot to say but what makes it harder is that trying to explain what love feels like is pretty much impossible which makes every task for this moment harder and harder.

Whom ever reads this I apologize in advance that I cannot specifically explain, demonstrate, portray what love is. It’s simply impossible! I can describe one/ one billionth maybe but even then you cannot grasp it and I am truly sorry there are not enough / better words to describe this feeling.

And now I have no way to end this as I feel as an “author” of this letter/ portrayal/ explanation I have not done my job in helping whomever the reader may be to understand anything I have just said. You may think you know but truly ( and I do apologize for making this sound harsh or rude ) you cannot understand or you have not experienced the kind of love I am.

Yours truly,
Stephanie

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